Chronicles of a Rose

So yeah. I have had my days full for the past 2 months. It's been crazy but good. The only problem I've had this past week is sleeping - w00t...Going to bed at midnight or after and waking at some crazy stupid hour a couple later...and not being able to get back to sleep until 7 a.m. or so. Nice. So my solution has been to stay up late and get things done. Tonight, it's a blog post. It's after midnight, and for some reason I've been listening to two songs by Billy Talent back to back for the past half hour. They are entitled "Try Honesty" and "Lies". The lyrics are as follows:

'Try Honesty'

Well I tripped, I fell down naked
Well I scratched my knees, they bled
Sew up my eyes, need no more
In our game there is no score

(chorus)
Forgive me father, why should you bother?
Try honesty, Try honesty
Hop in your dumptruck, reverse for good luck
Ride over me, Ride over me
Take on the whole world, fight with the young girls
Die tragedy, Die tragedy
Call me a cheapskate, come on for pete's sake
Cry Agony, Cry agony

I'm insane, it's your fault, so sly
Your well of lies ran dry
And I cut the cord, free fall
From so high we seem so small'

(chorus)

I talk to you

I'm insane, it's your fault
Try
I'm insane, it's your fault
Cry
I'm insane, it's your fault
Cry

Forgive me father, why should you bother now?
Forgive me father, why should you bother now?

(chorus)

Cry Agony, Cry Agony
Try honesty, Try Honesty
Cry Agony, Cry Agony


"Lies"

Forced conversation
Hidden agenda
You think we're stupid, how dare you
The rug has not been pulled
Over our eyes you fool
We can see right through

Tip-toeing villain
Eyes in the ceiling
Your false intentions have worn thin
But we've been in your room and in your closet too
We've got one on you

(chorus)
Lies make it better
Lies are forever
Lies to go home to
Lies you wake up to
Lies from the alter
Lies make you falter
Lies keep your mouth fed
Lies till your death bed
Lies

Inside an office, a fallen angel
A smiling Buddha with snake eyes
Creates the latest trends
And I just cant pretend
Don't call me your friend

When all these
(chorus 2x)

LIES!

Lies will come back to haunt you
Bulletproof your limousine
Lies will come back to haunt you
Hit and run, a broken dream

(chorus 2x)

Lies


But yeah. Is it odd that I've been listening to those particular two? I don't know. You tell me. Now, I will admit that, tonight, I am somewhat depressed, due to conversations with my favorite person in the world and recent distancing from said favorite person. But, I am not letting that get me out of writing this post. I suppose a detailed look at everything I've been doing would a) be pages and pages long and b) there are certain things no one wants to hear and I would likely get in trouble for, therefore my exclusion of those things is to my benefit. :P So, I shall do my best to recap adequately. :)

Okay. Well. Last I posted news-wise on here I was all excited about GED and SAT stuff and my best friend visiting during the summer. That was really forever ago. My apologies for being so lacking in my blogger updating duties.

So.

College plans have waxed and waned...I was actually admitted into the Art Institute of Atlanta, and we pushed it up to the last minute and had everything planned out but, BECAUSE I have been a very very good girl and always paid cash for everything, I have no credit, and my parents don't have good credit either, the loan rates were ridiculous, and I would have ended up 100K in debt for an Associates degree. Obviously, I'm not wanting to start off life with that much debt on my shoulders, so I canceled my application for AIA. I've been working with several schools and am working with a contact at Emily Carr Institute to make sure I get into a college that I can pick up the appropriate credits and they will transfer. :) I'm looking at fall and spring semesters so I can take my English 1 & 2 and my Art History 1 & 2 classes. I may even go out to TX or something cause the schools in GA that will actually accept me suck. :P

I'm moving in with some friends and working for their company next week. Well, this week actually since it's *early*. I will be able to make good money and still pay the bills, and the plan is that I save up and then go to college and get my transfer credits and then move to Vancouver where I go to ECI. Four years there, w00t, my art skillz will totally pwn, and I shall be happy.

I'm going to finish learning how to drive and buy a car and be able to get places by myself. *cue the shock and horror* I know. I'm learning how to DRIVE. It's scary. A couple months ago I drove around in a parking lot...Erm....Yeah...I ran Sam's truck over the curb TWICE. Sorry about that, dude. :S :D At least we had fun doing that. And I drove all of twenty mph down an actual road, recently - thanks, Billy! - and I pulled into a driveway and backed out and turned around and managed to not get hit by a car coming my way at one point. LOL. It was fun. And dark. So kinda scary. But cool. :D

So anyway. A lot of you probably know I went north for the holidays. The trip went well - I had a great time with the Tarons and Spratts. While at the Tarons I played a lot of card games and went shopping and watched movies and talked a lot and helped paint a giant warehouse thing with a tragic mudding job where T's job was moving buildings and I think this is a huge long run on sentence but I don't care. I was away from the good ol' South for 3 weeks and enjoyed it quite a bit. I love Vancouver. I didn't have to deal with sunlight in my eyes ONCE while I was there! It was sooo nice. I officially met the Spratt family for the first time, after a good amount of ribbing about "meeting the parents" from certain members of the Taron family. For those of you who don't know, Justin is my best friend and previously mentioned favorite person. The Spratts are his family. I also of course met his younger brother Nathan who is a cool guy and very funny. Mr. and Mrs. Spratt are a great couple. I enjoyed my stay at their house a lot. Justin and I did a lot of walking around Vancouver and taking buses, trains, and ferries to various places (I love the public transportation in Vancouver. It's so delightfully organized and logical and on time). Went to Granville Island, LynnValley Suspension bridge (scary. but the rainforest is amazing. I can't wait to go up there during the summer and be there when I'm not freezing my butt off. LOL. The trees were very very tall and huge and wet. :P), bits of Vancouver, saw movies, I met his friends...and on Christmas day we went SKIING IN WHISTLER. Ok, first of all, skiing equipment HAS to be the most uncomfortable things possible to be standing around in all day. Nathan snowboards and it looks so much more comfy. Secondly, we got up to a green dot run (a *family* slope) and I couldn't stay up for more than five feet at a time, if I got that far. The wind was blowing me and I'd freak and try to stop but couldn't stop and would fall instead. To make matters worse, my poles were too long and I couldn't lift myself up off the ground properly, so Justin was getting tired from continuously lifting me off the ground. I was being a horrible failure. I fell and couldn't seem to get back up without falling again. Then, of course, the cute Australian ski patrol guy comes along and unclips his snowboard, helps Justin get me up, and causally suggests the kiddie slopes down the mountain. Nice. It was quite embarrassing. I felt bad about it, but once I got a hang of the beginner slopes I did alright. :) I had fun and wasn't falling by the time we went and had lunch with Mr. Spratt and Nathan. But skiing made me very sore. Hehe. I have gotta get in shape so I can be better next time. While the guys all went and did the black diamond runs (!!!) I stayed in the ski lodge place and watched a blizzard. Hehehe. It looked scary. I couldn't see very much out the windows it was snowing and blowing so hard. It was a relief to finally get out of all the ski gear at the end of the day. That stuff is painful. We drove back to the Spratt's house and quickly all showered and ate dinner and then went for coffee and dessert at Mr. Spratt's parent's house. The extended family seems pretty nice and everything. I had to try to be perfect for a few hours - LOL. But it was all good. The plane trip home from WA was a nightmare though - I won't go into details, but let me just say that my already red-eye flight left 2 hours late. Hehe.

-break for a half day -
Resuming where I left off...
Since then, I have done my college searches and went and visited with my family for a week, which went pretty normally. The little kids tried to convince me to stay fro "3 years" - and then five minutes later attacked me with paper balls and shouts of "GET HER!!!" Wow. So convincing.

I'm now at my friend's house and we're about to head out and go shopping... So far so good! I will put up a picture or two, maybe a scan of some artwork, later. Love you guys!

Ending poem:

“Voiceless”

Transparency

Always evident, opacity conquered by your gaze

Reality

Marring beauty, frozen in time to suffer endless days

Insecurity

Holding doubt, unable to see through the ghostly haze

-

I’m wandering, wondering,

How your eyes can view me clearly

Confused, and still shaking

Hating the mirrored reflection I see

-Not something you could desire-

Standing still and speechless

My heart grips you close, afraid to let go

No words to express my helplessness

And yet on the outside I feel so cold and alone

The still-unvoiced fact unchanging

The brighter the light, the darker is the shadow.

-

Transparency

Once evident, opacity shorn away, to bring to light

Reality

Beauty marred, exposed and suffering through endless night

Insecurity

Unshakeable doubt, questioning my fragile insight

-

The complexity of something lost,

The necessity to burn and fall;

Find my place in ruin,

Unable to answer your persuading call.

(I only fell so hard because I rose so high)

Somewhere, bound deep in my heart, lie

Deathlike darkness and empty chains

To join your empty words, our empty names

My thoughts creating uncertainty, yet afraid to let this go

The still-unvoiced fact unchanging

The brighter the light, the darker is the shadow.

-

And I am voiceless

Your brilliancy should have cautioned me

My shadows should have warned me

You gave me wings and I burned them

I gave you my heart, my soul, and you tore them

And once having risen, the only way to return

Is to fall.

Posted by Ashley at 10:59 AM | Permalink | Comments

I have read some very interesting things lately, provoking my thoughts on the subject of modesty. It has come to my attention that there are flagrant violations of God’s commandments concerning modesty everywhere, even among the Christian community. And yet while this is true, there are also the caring Christians who take this to the other end of the spectrum in their fervent desire to stay away from the “edge of the cliff,” as the division between sin and a faithful walk with Christ is often termed.

I Timothy 2
v 8) I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting;
v 9) in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing,
v 10) but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.

These are the verses most often referred to on the subject of modesty, written by Paul to Timothy sometime during the years 62-67 AD, as near as Biblical scholars can pinpoint. While researching the topic, I was really blown away by the thought of how amazingly the Bible has been preserved and how detailed it is in describing the customs of the times – whether in condemning them or commanding them.

The Greek and Roman forms of dress, particularly women’s dress, were very similar – long, draped clothing in layers. Women’s dresses were all very much alike, embroidery and the stola (the Roman symbol of a woman’s marriage and limited to be worn only by those who were married) being the few things to set their clothing apart from others. Since they were only permitted to distinguish themselves by their “elegance, finery, and beautiful clothes” (Full quote: “Women cannot partake of magistracies, priesthoods, triumphs, badges of office, gifts, or spoils of war; elegance, finery, and beautiful clothes are women's badges, in these they find joy and take pride, this our forebears called the women's world.” - Livy, History of Rome 34.5), they adorned themselves with extremely elaborate hairstyles and jewelry. I found these two sites particularly helpful:
Roman Clothing: http://www.vroma.org/~bmcmanus/clothing2.html
Greek Clothing: http://www.richeast.org/htwm/Greeks/costume/costume.html
Places like Corinth and Thessalonica were of Roman rule, where Ephesus and Philippi were under Greek power.

The dress of the times being known, we then look at the verses themselves. Paul begins the sentence with v 8 – “I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting;” – and continues in v 9 with a phrase concerning women – “in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing,”.

The verse under current examination would be verse 9 - “in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing,”.

The women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation. I want to stop and look at the meaning of these words a moment.
According to Merriam-Webster, the word propriety is defined by four options, two of which are obsolete.

1) obsolete : true nature
2) obsolete : a special characteristic : peculiarity
3) : the quality or state of being proper : appropriateness
4) a : conformity to what is socially acceptable in conduct or speech b : fear of offending against conventional rules of behavior especially between the sexes c plural : the customs and manners of polite society

I think Paul’s meaning of this word propriety is easily narrowed down to 3 and/or 4)a, more likely 3. “The quality or state of being proper : appropriateness.” We can see what was usually worn by both cultures of the day is extremely dissimilar to anything like that which we wear in these times. So what are we to do concerning this “desire” that Paul requested of the Corinthians in our own daily lives? I would say it is a matter, indeed, of propriety. What is APPROPRIATE? Does it relate to where we live, the society we grew up in, the places we go, the things we do?

In Las Vegas, an outfit exposing midriff, the entire length of the legs, and as much cleavage as possible is considered appropriate. Would I wear such a thing? No. Some places in India require women to dress in long lengths of cloth shrouding their entire forms and veils to hide their hair and faces. Would I wear something like that? No. There are no specifications given to us as to what is and what is not considered appropriate. It is left to the conscience and our God-given knowledge of right and wrong. In my personal life, I choose to avoid exposure of my womanly body parts and to still wear what I like. My clothing choices usually include things that induce odd responses from other people; I prefer everything to be in black, Victorian stylized, fishnets, corsets, heels or platforms on my shoes, and extremes in my makeup. I have pale skin and dark hair and people may say I look evil and joke with me about Vampirism. This does not mean I am immodest in my dress, nor does it mean I am seeking attention; it is simply beyond what society considers "normal".

I myself do not wish to tell anyone what is or is not appropriate; I leave that to the determination of the reader and his or her conscience; but I do believe we all could dwell a moment on this subject.

Labels: appropriate, bible, biblical, christian, clothing, corinthians, discrimination, dress, greek, history, modesty, propriety, roman

Posted by Ashley at 8:30 AM | Permalink | Comments

Drawn to illustrate my poem Fragility. Self-modeled.

Posted by Ashley at 10:05 AM | Permalink | Comments

Drawn to illustrate my poem The Definition Of Love. Used a dead leaf and sticks as model.

Posted by Ashley at 9:48 AM | Permalink | Comments

Artwork completed 8/16/2006. Self-modeled (minus the slashed wrist). Intentionally left rough and unfinished. I drew it while frustrated and depressed and hopefully managed to convey some of the emotion I was feeling into the drawing.

Posted by Ashley at 9:35 AM | Permalink | Comments

Posted by Ashley at 11:31 AM | Permalink | Comments

I am officially on the network and messaging people again. I can get pretty much any messenger out there, so if you want to talk to me, send me your ID and the proper messenger to add that ID to. :) Much love and looking forward to talking to everyone!

~Ashley~

Posted by Ashley at 4:13 PM | Permalink | Comments

"All the riches in the world cannot be sustained without honesty, trust, and faith in something. For then where would we be? Lost and wandering in darkness and nothing but oblivion ahead. It's where true happiness lies..."

August 21st, 2006, 2:36 p.m. Someone may recognize this.

Posted by Ashley at 11:05 AM | Permalink | Comments

Well, I'm here at Lanier Tech. Just finished taking ALL my GED practice testing - whooooo! I scored above and beyond on all 5 tests, with the range being the lowest 610 and the highest 800 (as high as possible). The 610 was like, math, which I figured I wouldn't do so hot on anyway, but yeah. I'm coming back over the next few days to work on my writing - I had a perfect score on the questions, but my conclusion on my essay was a bit weak, so he couldn't give me a perfect score for that (I got a 5 out of 6 though). The writing teacher here has been here for 18 months and no one's failed writing since then, so she's gotta be good. :) So, it's all happiness.

All my paperwork is filled out and I'm going to mail it off this afternoon. YES. I feel like I'm going somewhere with this! :D I'm excited and I can't wait to start college... I found out today that b/c I'm living in Forsyth county, they have a program that will pay for my GED, and that as soon as I take the GED they give me a $500 voucher for college - so that is going to be a HUGE help! Plus he says there are all sorts of scholarships I can get for college. :)

Anyway, I'm going to run. Hope everyone has an awesome week!

LOVE AND HUGS!

~Ashley~

P.S. The thing about last Saturday. It's official. I have the most awesome best friend EVER. Anyone who contradicts me shall have their eyes sporked out. :P

Posted by Ashley at 10:47 AM | Permalink | Comments

ASHLEY KICKS ASSEMENT TESTING BUTT! YES!!!!!!!!!!! GO ME!!!!!!!!! I scored as high as possible in every area of my GED assesment test, a 12.9. *jumps up and down happily* This means no classes, just take the practice testing, send the results in to the state, get approval for me to take the GED from them, and take the GED. Since I'm going to be totally and completely occupied between this upcoming Saturday and next Wednesday, I'm going to start taking the practice tests next Thursday. If I fit them into my schedule properly, I can get those bad boys out of the way and be all done by the following Monday. Then I send the package of stuff in to the state, they approve me, and I take the big test. Once I have results from that and the SAT (scheduled for October 14th), I can send in all my stuff for my college application. Yayness. :D I want to go to Georgia Perimeter College (www.gpc.edu) and go ahead and get that associates degree in arts. I want to do summer school to get it out of the way as quickly as possible so I can move on to an art university and then to my lovely exciting criminal sciences. :)

Anyway, I'm totally psyched that I did so well. I can hardly believe myself. :P :D Can't wait to get finished with all this crap and into college. Classes, finally!

Let me run before I start bouncing off the sides of my blog here. :P

~An extremely happy Ashley~

Posted by Ashley at 3:52 PM | Permalink | Comments

To the right of the entrance.

The main window, with the sign in it, from the inside (left of the entrance)

Outside. PINK doors, huh?

More of the inside.

This was our table!

Posted by Ashley at 3:13 PM | Permalink | Comments

So, I'm sure those of you who don't chat with me often have been waiting for the answer to the question - What goes on in Ashley's life? I can't tell you the greatest, the best, and the most wonderful current news until a bit later this month, but I can at least try to give you somewhat of an update.

Last Wednesday I took an assessment test so that I can get my GED and go to college. This upcoming Wednesday we're going to meet with the instructors and find out my scores and what I need to work on. The lady who gave me the pre-test did say that I scored very highly on that though, so I'm hopeful. I am going to take the SAT this fall and can hopefully be in college by this spring to get my associates degree in Art before moving on to a university. I am praying all goes well and that despite my utter lack of any form of high school transcript, I will be able to get into college. David wants me to write a book about not being "One of THOSE People" who acquire the GED; I actually think it could be a good idea, and David says it will help pay for college (I can't get the HOPE Scholarship until my second semester). I'd record interviews with other GED students, and get their life stories and learn from them what prompted them to acquire the GED. What think you people?

Here's the ideal set up: Associate's degree in Art, Art University, and then a degree in Criminal Sciences so I can actually make money, not be bored, and have a very profitable job. Yay.

I got my second piercings in my ears - yay. They look good. They're white gold (which basically looks exactly like silver). I'll post a picture as soon as I'm done with this. :)

I've been doing plenty of research on the West Memphis Three, as some of you might have noticed by my most recent post excluding this one. The more I read, the angrier I get at the prosecutors, the judge, the people of the state, and the media surrounding those events. The gross errors made by the law and the abuse of the legal system disgust me. If it weren't so horribly true it would be almost unbelievable.

A few weeks ago I went with Lisa and Catherine to New Jersey. Anything in the city or around the turnpike in NJ sucks. The little towns and outside the city are good. I liked this town we visited a lot, it's called Chester. I'll post pictures - we ate at this awesome little tea room called Sally Lunn's (http://www.sallylunns.com/). I got Lydia's bday present at a cool little shop there, too.
I saw Pirates of the Caribbean : Dead Man's Chest while up there, at a theater near the first hotel we stayed at - SUCH A COOL MOVIE! I LOVE JOHNNY DEPP. He's so sexy. Mmmm. Eyeliner rocks.
Babysitting a 4 year old locked into a hotel room because it's raining outside and the pool is closed SUCKS, though. Ick. Talk about spring fever in the middle of the summer...

My life shall soon revolve around church, work, and - eek - school. I shall be busier than ever.

I went shopping yesterday. It was really depressing and annoying. I have felt fat and gross ever since. *sigh* Jeans especially - Most 7s don't fit me, and the ones that do are still incredibley too long for my legs. I ended up buying a pair, but it's looking like I'll only be able to wear them with my boots unless I take them up. GRR. I don't like being so SHORT! I got some cute skirts though, and a couple tops.

Counselling was today. It went pretty okay. It had been a while since I'd last seen Jason, so it was nice to get to unload on someone with a degree. :)

I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Yeah. If you don't know already, then you'll find out next Thursday or sometime. :)

I gotta run, just thought I'd give a quick update. Love and good health to all!

~Ashley~

Posted by Ashley at 10:29 AM | Permalink | Comments